Well... there HAD to be something wrong. That's just the way life is, right?
Okay, I should explain myself better. The plan was, besides going to France for six months, going to the USA just after that so I could graduate there. Seriously, it's not just a whim. I want to graduate in the States because that definitely increases my chances of attending to an UNIVERSITY in the States, which is what I really want.
I want to study Creative Writing, Linguistics and Translation. Unfortunately, in my country, universities are more focused on Engineering, Publicity, bla bla bla. Literature is absolutely underrated, and I really imagine my life revolving around it. Besides music, writing and reading is what I'm all up for. It is truly my passion, my joy. Wow... cheesy. True, though. How can you blame me? I bet all bloggers out there know what I'm talking about.
Reading is... escaping from reality. Escaping from the dull, somehow monotonous life you're in. Oh don't get me wrong, I like my life. I have food to eat, great friends that make me laugh like crazy, a warm bed to sleep in, a loving family, education... everything anyone could want. But of course, I'm a human being. I'm still too young to being immune to never being completely satisfied. I really hope that one day I'll be.
I don't do drugs, I read.
Then writing... it's so amazing to be able to create a world where everything is exactly how one decided it to be (control freak). You actually create people. You really know them. They can't stab you in the back or pretend to be something they're not, because you know them better than you know yourself. The funny thing is, even though one is aware of everything, you still get surprised of how your mind can come up with such things, how characters sometimes seem to develop on their own. You cry and laugh with them, you get attached and even fear and worry about them. It's something that is really hard for me to put into words.
Going back to the problem. It turns out that I might not have enough time to do some paperwork to get my student VISA. I need to be here for the taking of fingerprints, and when that time comes, I'll still be in France. So it looks like unless it cut off my thumb and leave it here, I have to pick between the two trips.
I feel like pulling all of my hair out. How am I supposed to choose?
The AFS guy, who is pretty chill by the way, told me that as a friend, he recommended me to take the USA trip, since it was for a year and it would help me with college. The thing is, I WANT TO LEARN FRENCH PROPERLY ALREADY! I need to learn more languages, and to be fluent with them I need to go to the countries they are from.
I'm not giving up on it yet. It's not impossible. Even though I feel really frustrated right now, I know God will guide me and to what's best for me. Everything will be fine.